Saturday, April 27, 2013

If You Have Bad Parents, Take Heart

I'm with you.

There're many people who say, there's no bad parent in the world, and you feel misunderstood.  It's ok, these are the very people who have never seen real suffering in their lives.  They whine over a broken nail or a overturned ice cream cone.

It's ok, I'm with you.  For I've parents that I've shed countless tears over.

My parents didn't abuse me physically, but tortured me mentally, especially my dad.  And for reasons you cannot understand - Because I'm not a university graduate.

There were years in the past that we had bitter arguments 'cos I'm not uninterested in school, and now he turned it into a weapon against me.  Nevermind that I'm in business and doing ok.  He even cursed that my business runs into trouble.

He has always hoped to have his kids to be well-educated, to fulfil a dream he can never have in his youth.  So when my brother became a doctor (and on the way to a specialist), and my sister gotten her PhD, he was over the moon.

Or Jupiter, if I may.

The most recent incident that set the whole story in stone (and carved into my heart) was helping out my sister's wedding - We were to pick up the wedding bouquets from the florist to the hotel, my dad and I were the ones taking this job.

And on the taxi home, the ecstatic dad cannot hold his bliss and joy, where the following conversation between the taxi driver and my dad followed, I was at the backseat....

Dad:  You know, I'm not a proud man, but I can't help being very happy now!
Driver:  Your daughter is getting married, I know the joy!  Hehehehe....
Dad:  I've great children, one is a doctor and another is a PhD doctor!  They're all great kids!
Driver:  Wow!  You're a fortunate man!  What about the lady behind?  Who is she?
Dad:  *silence*
Me:  Hahahahaha....I'm his adopted child.
Driver:  You are serious??

Dad most reluctantly admitted that I'm his offspring only minutes later.

There're unreasonable, illogical mental abuses on me from my dad and sometimes from my mom throughout my adulthood, and still going on now when the planets aligned.

Once, I was very ill from flu and was hungry at night, so I went for some bread on the living room table.  Dad walked pass and said to me, "Those bread are for your brother!"

The anguish, agony and screams in the heart were unheard, because I'm jovial and positive on the outside.  But really, if I don't look at things positively I may kill myself from all the questions of why I'm tortured, just because I'm not a University graduate.

I've never squandered a cent of my parents.
I've never had bad friends where I learnt to smoke, gamble, or rent my body out for money.
I've never been in triads.
I bring home a small sum every month.
I've never borrowed any money from them to start the business.

I'm just not a university graduate.  Why look down on me and torture me thus?

For the bitter wars in the growing up years, I've apologised to dad sincerely some years before but he has never accepted nor forgave me.  What can I do more?

Nothing.

This is why I love my siblings more than my parents, for they've never looked down on me.  Never thought that I'm a nothing, just because I'm not a university graduate.  Simply put, they've not been polluted by the father who have such....bizarre thought.

It's a great shame to many people (and to most Asians) to air out the dirty linen in public, it's much so to me too.  But I feel that I need to share what is strength from destruction.

And the destruction will never end, as long as my dad is alive.

For us, the tortured souls, there's only 2 roads to choose.

Self-destruction
Go the opposite of self-destruction

If you take the route of self-destruction, I will not judge you, 'cos it's painful to live.  It's not an easy path and not easy to stand tall, proud and understand that the world isn't as bad as what your family made it out to be.

For if the closest blood kins can hurt you so much, what about those who have no blood ties?

I know that very well, so I won't judge you like others who only knows the ra-ra effects of "STAY POSITIVE!!" "HEAL YOURSELF!!" etc.

But if you can, and could, please don't go this path.  It's not worth killing yourself or your soul over the human being(s) who brought you into the world and has given you nothing else.

If you have survived so far as a human being into adulthood, then there is a mission for you to be on this earth.  Seek refuge in a religion, if you can.

**  I've friends who don't believe in God and justice due to family abuse = they don't believe that God is Justice and Love by the sufferings they've gotten.

We are part of the clockwork called Earth and Mortality, God oversees everything, and no suffering will go unnoticed from His eyes.  I sincerely hope that you will understand this one day, and soon.

So you can stand up fast and excel where you never thought you could.

For those who will not, and cannot believe that there are bad parents on this earth, I hope my bizarre case will enlighten you.

Thank you.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Aiya...just take it that you owe them something in your past life lor (maybe you were their father/mother in your last incarnation and you were treating them the way they are treating you now). Pay back the 'debts' this life so that you don't meet again in future lives..

Anonymous said...

When you cannot understand and feel tortured, just ask God to give you peace. I was quite disturbed by what someone said (and its family from the other end) and was thinking day and night but i could only give everything to God to handle. Remeber, old generation old thinking, so let your new thoughts be focussed on yourself and how to be happy.

Fresh Fry aka 福星 said...

thank u, my friends, exactly wat I've thinking + I know it's exactly my karma. this is why I've done a lot to keep myself positive.

but it can be very trying when living together.

I've yet to share my mom's mad ways....

Vivian said...

hmmm i always believe there are bad parents around, not bad kids.
you can only do what you can, if your parents think you need a degree to prove yourself, then it isnt fair lor....CHin up!

Fresh Fry aka 福星 said...

thanks, my friend. chin-up the best I can. :))

I believe in bad parents 80% of the time. 'cos I've seen + heard really bad kids too, and the folks are all ok. but it's mostly bad folks churning out bad kids...

Anonymous said...

Maybe 'bad' isn't really the most accurate word to use here; perhaps parents like what you mention shouldn't be parents in the first place? The parenting styles of some people begs the questions of why the hell did they marry and have kids....

Fresh Fry aka 福星 said...

lets be fair.

my folks bring food to the table, took care of us the best they know and do their best. they dun physically abuse us though they quarrel thru their lives, which is bad for any kid in the world.

it's their mindset tat kills the soul.

or lets put it another way, if i'm not their kid, but as someone's whose other offsprings mix with the gang + never hold a job well etc, we all won't have tis agony, no?

perspectives.

Anonymous said...

Agree that it's all how we want to look at it: perspectives/subjective.

But the point I am trying to make it is that, some people really aren't suited to be parents. IMO, those who think their duties as parents are merely to bring food to the table, take care of their offspirings in the best way they knew and refrain from physically abusing them are driven merely by the primal instinct to procreate...Responsible parenting for humans goes beyond undertaking all those basic tasks above, which one already observe in the animal world. It's my belief that a large proportion of the parents have never given much thoughts on how exactly should they bring up their kids, what morals do they hope to instill in their kids, etc.

anyway, just my 2 cts

Anonymous said...

and what's up with the decision for censorship? just curious

Fresh Fry aka 福星 said...

it's the anti-spam system lah.

how to give much thought when there's no manual, no academy to "right" parenthood? we as the younger generation (and the future ones) can only improve as we go along.

who'd have known that CFC is bad for ozone? same thing. lol