What prompted me to write this was a combination of a few factors.
I've read far more scriptures than the past this year, though I did feel odd about it - How did I find the time + energy to do it with a significant increase in business? But this isn't important, the most important thing is the findings about Life.
Among the students I've taught, 1 of them is a Catholic who is a Qigong practitioner, he's open to other religions with his myriad of students and had asked me a few things on the Buddhism philosophy + ideals. 1 of that was agreeing that Buddhism is self-empowering.
Then by chance, I stumbled upon my 1st relationship's twitter yesterday. I know it has to be it, for I found traces of the old personality at work. And I was quite sad.
For the last 3 years, I've prayed countless times for my past relationships to find wisdom, love and happiness. Even those that I've crushes over (you too, L, if you're reading), I know I'm blessed and lucky to be on this road now, I want a change in their lives too. So I prayed very hard for them.
Till I got a dream that each of them are happy that I got relief and put it down. Recently this year, I find it's not the case through their Twitter or blog. For NX, it's because we're still in touch.
I was sad and wondered why. Then I got the answer in my shower yesterday night - the dreams are helping me to let go while I find the Answers to Life, and recalled That Guy telling me I should stop worrying for them in 1 of our long ago conversation. He said, "For any change to start, the party has to be willing."
And then I recalled the 南怀瑾 book on understanding Diamond Sutra that I'm currently reading. I like this wise old man alot for being astute and doesn't mince his words. He's open to share knowledge and always willing to keep us on track in our lives. He's 94 this year and being one from the old times (held a rank in WWII in the military against the Japanese), I find his thinkings very forward and modern.
Reading his teachings on the Diamond Sutra, he repeatedly calls for empowering ourselves, "No amount of Buddhist meditation, scripture, praying or chanting will effect a change in your life if you don't start from your heart. You need to set a diamond will then action upon it!"
Yes, there're miracles everyday in different ways from God, but these miracles are only fleeting blooms of nice smelling flowers that wilt if we don't set upon the road of self-change.
It's like striking lottery of say, SGD$100,000, it's quite a miracle, is it not? But it's only some short days of happiness with excess shopping, dining and vacation before it's gone. With careful investments, this SGD$100,000 will keep and grow, and one can buy things of our fancy here and there with the investment profits.
It lasts.
Now this calls for a good amount of strong will to set it going. It's very tempting to be short-sighted, give up and heed our emotions. It's very easy to go back to the old days then whine of being stuck in the rut.
But the fruit of empowering ourselves is heavenly sweet to taste, I cannot reiterate enough the goodness of holding out in our quest for positive life changes.
The road is rocky, lonely, sometimes without light in front, but we need to hold onto the belief that we want positive change in our lives, that we don't want the old us anymore. This is what Buddhism has been teaching us - Change for the better from within.
1 of Bee's old friend came to the makan gathering and she was proudly (and loudly) talking about her meditation retreats, her classes and all the different skills she's been learning e.g Reiki, alpha attunement, yoga meditation, dance meditation etc etc.
I observed her in that few hours of gathering and told Bee a few days later in a dinner at the hawker centre, "PL looks like someone with alot of arrogance but I see alot of low self-esteem. A true practitioner of these skills won't be arrogant and actively selling what she has learnt to others. If I'm not wrong, she has some childhood trauma with her family. That's why she has been looking for answers in these skills but has found none. If she has found peace, she won't be greedy to learn every single skill that she can find."
Bee affirmed my findings that PL confided of a turbulent family life in her youth.
I then let on more that many New Age practitioners embark on the spiritual/religion path because of deep family issues or personal childhood ones. They go onto this route because they want answers and solutions to relieve the pain. But most of them are still living in pain even after becoming true, authentic healing Masters of their domain.
Many people try to escape pain and suffering by distracting themselves in work, play, friends (energy vampires = pouring emotional trash into their friends), religion or hobbies. Especially religion, which has been given a bad name by over-zealous believers expounding their sects good and trampling how other religions/sects are evil.
Even Buddhism has its inter-sect issues.
This is also how past life issues haunt lives - With unlearnt issues, they're carried over to the next life with the same lesson shoved into our faces so we learn it.
No matter how much 1 loves God/Buddha/Allah etc, as long as we've not learnt the lesson and let go, we cannot reach Heaven, for it's weight in our hearts. With weights, we can't ascend. Only when we've learnt the lessons + let go of all the baggage are we light enough to go Up.
Ever had something that weighs alot in us that everyday doesn't feel like living? Even when there're happy news to be joyous over? Even when our loved ones shower us will true love and attention? Even when we got complimented by our boss + got a bonus?
We felt some happiness but not total happiness, it lasted for a few hours then the dread comes back again.
Yes, it's that thing in the heart.
Everyone of us has issues, just different ones + different scale of hurt, but they're still hurt and we need to learn about it then let go from within, from our core.
Or happiness won't knock on our door.
Start empowering ourselves from within for peace and happiness.
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